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foul mood

I think that work has really rubbed off on me.
And not, in a good way.

I don’t care about what other people have to say.
I am bitter.
I am critical.
Extremely impatient. (although I feel that this might have been a flaw I had prior to my start here.)

I just want to come to work and work. I don’t want to talk. I don’t care about what kind of dream you had.
Is that horrible?

This place is a quicksand. You just get sucked down.

There is barely enough time (if that) to get the work done that I HAVE to get done, and I just can’t waste anymore. All I want to do is get work done and leave.

Do I want to be this person? Of course not.

But for some reason I am right now.



Can someone give me a break…

…and although I love me some KitKats, I don’t think that kind of break will cut it.

I have a job. (two actually) so I shouldn’t complain in a time like this. But I am totally going to. Over the last year, I have had some revelations about jobs and work environments.

After a year and half of searching, I got a ‘big girl job’ with an institution that I have worked with before. I took this job… A. for some damn ‘experience’ that I NEEDED to have but couldn’t get because NO ONE was will to take a chance on me. and B. because I had worked for this individual before and well, I had a great prior experience.
In this new department, I knew that I was going to play a different role, and no longer just a student, I needed to step up professionally.  I got my new clothes, set up a signature for my email and got paperclips for my desk.
None of this mattered, because 2 weeks into the job I got cussed out in front of the whole office…most of the words used were the f nugget. I just sat and stared blankly at the woman who I had respected so much at one point in time. “You better stop acting like everyone treats you like a piece of ‘f nuggeting’ shit around here and start doing your f nuggeting job.” I was told. That respect I had for her flew out the unprofessional work environment window.

Question. When someone says f nugget to you in a professional setting when you are new and are thrown into a shit storm of work that is backed up, doesn’t that kinda mean you are getting treated like shit?

Convinced that I couldn’t quit on week 2, I went to the bathroom, cried while my husband tried to talk me down over the phone and tried to sucked it up…because this was not just for me. This was for my husband, my house, my new windows, and that freaking credit card bill from the wedding…

…I also work at the ‘bou making delish coffee treats. Why do I still take shifts at a coffee shop, when I have a full-time job? It’s not the coffee I can’t give up, it’s definitely not the pay I love…it is knowing that I can go to work, do my job right, and people like me for it.

So, as I sat at home today, and listened to another voicemail telling me essentially, I am a piece of shit, I really ponder what the hell am I doing? Am I going to continue living my life getting shit on? Or am I going to choose to do something different?
I called my husband. I called my boss at the coffee shop.

I didn’t know this, but I guess in a ‘real’ job, people don’t make you feel like quitting every single day. Or feel the need to say “You are doing a great job…awesome…terrific, but yeah. you need to do much better, so yeah. f nuggeting figure it out.” 

I am taking this huge step and quitting. Shitty economy and all. I don’t care. As much as I would love to start that professional career, I can wait another 6 months. I will work at the coffee shop. I will work at the driving range. I don’t really care…All I know is I am going to be working somewhere where I am, and my work are, appreciated.